Now! The time is Now... We must stop holding ourselves back

I am hearing, "I'll be happy when...", "My life will be better when...", "I'm going to start when..." or the best is what I tell myself "I didn't do that? Well, I will start tomorrow". The only problem is that Today is  the old Tomorrow.

We have those friends, family, children, most of us look to the future. That absolutely has its purpose when setting short or long term goals. We have something to set the eyes on, push us forward, motivate us, that is all the good stuff. That is not what I am speaking to.

I'll use a self example I have been meaning to clean up my nutrition and shift my physical activity. At the end of each day the mind takes inventory of the day. It's  may be subtle, some of us may notice it more than others. The  Mind replays the day in the mind figuring out what got done, what didn't, then assesses. So at the end of my day, I'd let out a sigh, feeling somewhat defeated from not following through on the intention set the previous day. The mind shifts again. New thoughts, "no problem I can start tomorrow", it thinks. Restored to calm, everything is okay.

Both my mother (59 yrs old) and my father(62 yrs old) passed quickly unexpectedly. My loss though huge there was something I took away. Today is now Tomorrow and will soon be Yesterday. So how do we get ourselves unstuck if we are in this repeating pattern? We set out each day with the best of intention to write those books, set aside time for ourselves, increase or Meditation, eat better, workout better or whatever it is for each one of us. The trick may be in a few things:

• Mindset
• Energy Management
• Being Fully Present

Let's break that down, all of those trendy words that seem to have deep meaning but the mind sometimes struggles with.

Mindset

How much do you want what you want? I hear myself, the mind say so often I want to be in great shape this Summer. Not for necessarily the typical reasons, my reasons are more for the different types of physical activities I do. Still having several kids at home, they want to bike, hike, Kayak, SUP, boat and things like that. Being 47 now, my body isn't performing like it was when it was 20. It shouldn't because it's not 20. Setting realistic expectations for ourselves is big. Many times I start to feel defeated at the beginning of my day. The realization of all of the little stuff in life. Things I say to myself such as "I'm getting old...", "My body just doesn't look the same..." things like that. Self defeating thoughts before I have even gotten started?! How could my day be successful? And trust me there are other stories that the mind tells itself like "Maybe that's not a good idea...", "You'll be ready when...". The mind will replay stories in our head based on childhood patterns, old relationships, old experiences until those stories are quieted. These stories can also make us reluctant, pull us out when we are starting new things telling us, we can't, it won't and other negative stories. Learning to shift, release, silence these stories change our patterns, our Mindset. The time is Now to meet yourself wherever you are, surrender to what was or what could be.  Fall in love with ourselves, showing up for ourselves,  showing compassion, moving forward with grace.

Energy Management

If you read my last Blog this isn't a surprise that we are revisiting this subject. To keep it short and sweet if we are over extending ourselves there isn't time for anything much less everything. Prioritize what's really important and keep that focus. Anyone can do anything, no one can do everything. Be gentle with your load. Give the time you need to yourself, connect to self Now.

Being Fully Present

I speak to this often, first let's break down the basics of the mind. We have an approximately 60,000 thoughts per day. Out of that 60,000 much of it is just the same stories repeated. What are stories, they are patterns from the past. Some of those thoughts are projections forward such as " Next Tuesday I have to go... soI am going to need to do...".  Based on the study of Psychology, we have a 3 second present. Everything before or after that 3 seconds is past or future within the mind. That being said, stay present. When the mind travels to the past, bringing ourselves back to Now, staying present. When the mind wants to travel to the future, bring ourselves back to Now, staying present. Plan when we  need to plan, revisit when needed to recall facts but working on staying present to remove the needless old stories that no longer serve us and the anxiety of the future from needless projection. Stay here, be with, commit to each and every moment, living fully present Now.

Two things that have landed for me were things I heard growing up, but never understood. "Que Sera, Sera", it means whatever will be, will be. My grandmother used to sing that to me alot as I was a child always projecting into the future. Trying to rid myself of the present. Later my mother would tell me "If it doesn't matter in a week, it doesn't matter", as I was an adult woman who worried about everything. Work on being Present first then when needing to recall the past or project into the future  it is done with grace.

The time is Now to stop holding ourselves back. The time is Now to start what was supposed to be started. The time is Now, to show ourselves love and compassion, to show up fully for ourselves.  The time is Now to stay steadfast in keeping our word to ourselves. The time is Now to walk away from unhealthy relationships, jobs,  things that no longer serve us. The time is Now to start all that we said we'd start. The time is Now to go outside and connect to nature, to remove stress from our lives. The time is Now to follow our dreams, live more intuitively, find what we are seeking. The time is Now to be so in love with ourselves that the harsh self talk faders to nothing. The time is Now for forgiveness towards others but mostly ourselves. The time is Now, for Today is now Tomorrow, soon Today will just be another Yesterday. The time is Now.

How are we managing our Energy

How are we managing our Energy...

I found myself in this exact discussion  with a great friend recently while having lunch. As we were discussing "Stress", yes that catch all for so many things that go on in our lives  I mentioned at a recent medical appointment, said I had little to none. Ha! While sitting with my friend, she said "I get stressed  just thinking about your life".

Then taking a deep look at the little things, it always seems that it is the little things that really sneak under the radar and get us by the end of lunch, I thought... How do I do it? How do I do all the things I do, handle the little stressors I handle? Short and sweet, I was not handling it.  I didn't have what most of us think of as "Stress", like a stressful job, stressful marriage or anything of those sorts. Instead lots of little ankle biters nibbling away at me. Needy kids including their outrageous academic drop off and pick up schedules, a time needy spouse, friends that I wanted to spend time with, business to run, curriculum & books to write, in laws to check in on, pets to walk, pet and care for, a house to take care of, so on... All of my time was filled.  Where was I even at in this equation? Let with stolen moments as if I were my own mistress to myself. As an Intuitive, as an Energy Worker, as a Yogi how could this have happened? Where was my self awareness?

Well, it had been showing up in the subtleties I had been failing to observe. Fatigue, chronic from the mind always being overwhelmed from my rigorous schedule, certainly my body as well. I was not able to just tap into my intuitive skills so easily, it had become like peripheral vision. I knew it was there, could somewhat see it, but just wasn't straight ahead in my vision with only times of absolute clarity. My mind was always cluttered with things to do, places to be, people to reach out to, thoughts I needed to get on paper and I wasn't sleeping to add to this wonderful assortment of joys.

After our lunch date and some self prompting. I took inventory some things are "must do's" in life. Other things are options. Even the "must do's" can fall into an order of priority. What I was surprised to find was that I had a great misconception of "must do's". I then decided to evaluate what are really "must do's" and what are "I'd really like to do's" and even better yet, "someone else would really like me to do". I ran through  lists of not just these, but even lessing in priority. I am a big- list person, I love them. They help build a sense of accomplishment, release beneficial hormones as we see we are accomplishing our tasks and help us to stay organized.

Here are some examples of how I broke things down:

Must do's

• Sleep
• Daily nutrition-eat, self, family, animals
• Meditate, self practice
• Connect to family
• Connect to nature
• Daily hygiene, self-care

I'd like to do's

• Work
• Reach out to friends
• Take a class
• Hit the Gym
• Laundry, dishes, other household tasks
• Social Media, emails, work tasks
• Write, journaling and other writings that I have on the back burner

Further on the list, Someone else's to do's

• The "can you take me here or there'"
• "I need you to do this, if you could"
• "Hey, did you want to go here or there"
• "Let's go..."

Step one, just say NO. Sweetly, with a balanced voice we must refuse to overextend ourselves, for the sake of ourselves... To others who ask, to family, to children, to spouses and mostly to ourselves when we are trying to set ourselves up with far to much! There is a little irony here for all of  you... I used to never say yes.  How amazing life takes its turns. Finding that balance, is the key.

We, will allow the mind to busy the body to the point of exhaustion if unchecked. The mind, to busy itself to the point of lack of concentration and confusion, memory loss. The mind, to busy the spirit, the soul that we may disconnect with who we truly are and what we truly need.

I'm sure someone is reading this and thinking... I need to do Laundry every day or it will get crazy. Yeah, that was me too! Not do dishes, insane! Wrong, first let's seperate need from want.  We need air to breath, food and water to sustain our body, we need love to survive (if you want facts about that reach out), but Laundry, doesn't need to get done. We, want it to get done so that from the minds point of view our lives will run a little bit soother. 

What I have found is through taking care of the true needs first, all parts of me were more fully refreshed to care for everythings else. The tasks that needed to be done were so more easily. Yes, including Laundry... And it did get done, seemingly effortlessly, timely too. I napped here and there to get my physical body caught up with sleep. Releasing the misconception of needing to busy my life and fill it with "I'd like to do's"  I balanced my schedule more. Yes, even work is an I'd like to do. If we are not well, our lives are not balanced it will show up as illness within the body eventually equating to really not being able to go to work. The time I spend with others is of higher quality, instead of quantity. With a much freer, clearer mind, sitting to write, everything flowed so easily.  

Another big one for me was releasing the illusion of control. Being a type A personality, a lot of my stressors came from attachment to outcome. Well, we can work towards a desired outcome and should be prudent about working towards what we hope to achieve. In reality, things rarely turn out exactly as planned, hoped dreamed. When we release attachment from the outcome there is less stress. An example of that is I had been working on a modified school for one of my children. Me being me, had it all planned out as to "How it needed to look" to be successful. Of course it didn't turn out that way. Initially, it was much worse. There were several meetings, revisions. Now, though completely different then I ever expected it is perfect?! Things will work out exactly as they need to if you are doing all you can... Allow things to unfold. 

Starting with us can be simple and can look a number of ways, here are just a few examples:

• Dedicating time to ourselves everyday to Meditate, Journal, Pray, be outside, whatever clams the mind. 
• Prioritize the Needs, want's of our own and those of others that are placed upon us. There are some things that can wait and everyone will be okay. 
• Establishing a routine or self care practice that works for us. It doesn't have to be intensive, long, short and sweet is just as beneficial.
• Say no, say yes finding balance in our lives. This helps to maximize our output overall. 
• Be compassionate with ourselves, some days we just need to take rest. Everything can wait, honoring ourselves.
• Go outside, get grounded into nature and reset.

In addition to the above mentioned you can always see a Practitioner such as myself but any Practitioner worth anything, will first and foremost share that we all as individuals have the ability to heal ourselves. Anything that I or any Practitioner can do is to assist you in assisting yourself. It starts and finishes with you.

We can make the choice to stop forcing the body, spirit, soul to live by the mind misconceptions and take inventory of what really is a priority. When we force, things are seemingly harder. When exhausted, I didn't get very much out of my workouts or much else accomplished. When overwhelmed and trying to work, I was present but how truly present? Always in the mind is where the mind prefers us to be.

Taking care of us is like recharging, rechargeable batteries or our phones. We have take time to charge ourselves, renew our energy.  Though we are taking time, our output is better. Or  we may allow ourselves to be completely drained, going into an auto-shut off mode... Leading to mind, body, health issues. Take time for you first, restore, renew, making managing your Energy Management a priority. 

Has anyone ever stole your Voice?

Has anyone ever stole your voice? Your right to speak, to say your stance or worse stolen your right to stay silence when you felt those words weren't ready to be spoken?

Sunday I had to take our son to the doctor for the Flu. Everyone in the house has been coming down with it. Being a Sunday it wasn't our usual doctor. We went to another facility, seeing a new face, so I trust only being prudent he reviews my sons medical history in brief. "So I see he has Autism....", what the hell did this guy just say in front of my son? Was my first thought. We had never spoken to ours son about his diagnosis. We had never asked him if he felt different in any way, brought any sort of awareness to the subject. As far as this kid knew he was just like every other kid at school. He is in Mainstream classes, pretty popular and really just a pretty regular kid. None of his Aspergers type issues appear in front of most people for the most part. Though he may seem a little different, it's not overtly obvious.

Let's real quick get a little understanding what this can be like to have a child with Autism. There is a wide range. Our son has been labeled Aspergers High Functioning. For those unfamiliar it can appear like avoidance to social settings in large groups. High ability to excel in certain academic areas usually math and may cause a deficiency in others such as reading. Some Asperger kids have "habits", Ticks" such as humming, binding or grabbing the shirt, rolling of the hands or pacing.

Now back to our office visit, this kid is sick as can be and just overheard this doctor indicate a hot topic word such as "Autism", applied to him... What do I do with this as a mother? Beyond my thinking this doctor has just made a huge decision for our family, I first became angry with the doctor for doing so. I was truly pissed at his lack of thinking maybe this family has not had "That Discussion". "That Discussion", seems to me like having the "Sex talk" with our kids we do it and maybe it's easy, maybe not but still requires the "right" moment. At least the mind perceives.

I soon, fell into softness...  The doctor had no idea that we had not had "That Discussion", he is truly trying to care and serve my child. I didn't question that.The anger that I thought that was towards the doctor had shifted to me. Then shifted again. I was momentarily angry at myself for not telling him sooner, then let that go. What did happen is after we finished up there was that comment made by the doctor opened the door for a discussion that needed to happen. Our son, age 14 certainly old enough to have this awareness. Other times I had tried to start the conversation and it just didn't flow, I stopped. This time it came out so naturally, with sweet softness and was received with acceptance.

I can't recall my exact words but I asked if he remembered the doctor saying he had Autism? He asked what it meant. So I shared what that looked like for him. I went on to share that one of his brothers has Asthma and how that affects him, two of his brothers and myself have Migraines and how they affect each one of us differently. Moreover than anything, that we all have a little something about us, that is what makes us unique and also beautiful.

My son can tell you the difference between space and time and has been able to do so since age 9-10, so crazy. He also knows every dinosaur and the period they lived in with incredible details. He is exceptional in Math. We all have our things about us, find beauty in all of it. Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. Each moment, even if we don't understand it, just be with it.  Soften into what you find harsh it will become softer. Trust in the experience.

Stepping Fully Into You, Don't wait for Approval or Permission

Yes... It's you! What I really mean is, it was me. Me, holding myself back, me in self doubt, me waiting for the approval or some sign from another, that I was ready?

I am not sure exactly where or how the shift happened. I give this same advice or talk to others often which rolls off the tongue so easy when applied to others. Before now, I hadn't  realized I had gotten past, beyond, and  stepped fully into my own, it's like a new awareness. There's no longer any lingering nerves, doubt, question, there's just moving forward with grace.  Everyone talks about that moment but I think it really comes down to this.

You are the only one that can make you ready. You are the only one that can fully step in. You are the only one that can calm the doubt, tell it to shut the hell up and push past... You ARE ALSO THE ONLY ONE THAT BENEFITS from all of this...

The truth is we never need anyone to believe in us... Only us, fully believing in ourselves. It's that belief in ourselves, that gives us the confidence to do all that we are meant to in this life. I kept waiting so this person or that, would believe or maybe this or that would happen. Maybe it would reassure me, a sign that I was ready, perhaps a feeling of needing permission to grow and take on a greater role in life. The truth... You will never be ready if you are waiting, so say yes.  Say yes to the invitations, giving permission to self, opening to greater things.

 I was laughing in my mind the other day while teaching as I realized that I was in fully, I had stepped into me. Teaching at once felt uncertain too, maybe even odd. No longer did that even exist. Like all things, that too had long since shifted.   It was never them that I needed, only me. All the doubt that ever existed was gone. I remembered other things that I started and that were once new, they felt the same at first. The feeling would fade as time moved forward, as my belief in myself shifted. If I were to offer advice on the subject matter now... I would say deeply listen, really deeply listen and if a voice of doubt arises tell it to quiet. You are stronger than you think, better than you give yourself credit for and you are ready... Don't let the MIND rule your life, take a deep deep breath in and allow the soul the spirit to rise up and out, to live fully.